jetlag

Jetlag
Being gone for too long just feels like waking up from a coma or something like to that. It’s just nice to get the chance to take a break from all the work. Well the past few weeks-oh before that, this would probably just be a boring post about myself and things that happened so i can read it to myself from somewhere else other than my laptop so you could skip if you like... or read on which is pretty good too- i have been in a 6 feet x 6 pile of work that just kept me disappointed and sad. It felt like it was going to last forever. I had all sorts of stuff i had to do: plates, exams, papers... college is just crazy. A healthy side effect of this is me not being able to sleep at night anymore. Everyday/night (i can’t make out any difference anymore, except for the absence of the sun) i have to do my work for like hours and then check the time just to find out that it’s breakfast already (which is like dinner to me now) and then i’d just feel ecstatic and energized and then i pass out, wake up not being able to remember what happened before i slept , eat lunch which is like breakfast to me now and then go to class (or what’s left of the classes i still have for the day) and then eat dinner which is like lunch then the cycle continues. It was (it still a little is) just awful, but i got the hang of it. Now i can’t get rid of it. I suddenly find myself listening to Buble at 5 in the morning while using facebook when the net is the fastest. It’s like jetlag without the jet.
Well i lost my bonnet the other day. Some call it a toque, hood... i like bonnet. It’s this oversized black thing i ‘inherited’ from my artist brother. I really miss it. I hope someone finds it and returns it. I actually already lost it once but a friend of mine found it shoved up a gutter pipe as a makeshift strainer or something that cleans the rainwater. Can someone say resourceful? Now i can’t find any bonnet that looks similar. It’s like this unique vintage (was that redundant?) thing you only find in underground stores or collector’s shops or whatever. But if ever another cooler hat comes along, the bonnet can never be replaced (*awww). It’s just so awesome when i had it... like it could talk.
I’ve been having palpitations. They’re like these crazy thumps in my chest (and even in my neck and wrist) that won’t stop no matter how tight you hold the paper bag against your mouth. God those were terrible. I laid off the coffee already but the palpitations won’t disappear even 3 days after i got my last cup of caffeine. I guess it’s a permanent thing now. My brother has this heart condition and my mom has the palps too so i guess i have it too. But i don’t want to see a doctor yet, they might think i’m looking for an excuse for life or something.

P.S. The previous post was actually over due... it happened 2 months ago and this one is a week late either. i never finish anything on time... sheesh...

i drank a little too much

I drank a little too much last night. I remember a couple of weeks ago I promised myself not to be involved in the businesses of alcohol and his other strong relatives. I am neither troubled nor am dying when I entered the second of 2 consecutive drinking nights. I haven’t even fully recovered from the first. It was all blurry, probably from the shots or maybe from the smoke, I can’t remember. I couldn’t think, I didn’t want to, it was too much work. I couldn’t hear myself, or my companions, I only heard everyone but no one person in particular. Then the thought flashed again; me swearing never to come back to that wretched puke pit. And then at that moment, I made what I broke, knowing that probably, some day in the near future, this would be the exact thing that’d be déjà vu-ing when I find myself staring at the floor looking at the 50 buck supper I had earlier that evening. Then there were a lot of other things in my mind too like keeping my shoes and jeans bile free, or how much I now owe the people I was with, or who that person was from the other table I just high-fived with. Memories, random and short, all of them. And then next thing, I’m outside, seated on a chair beside a large yellow redeeming letter M singing badly and breathing rapidly. I had to let the blood flow and clean my system as fast as possible so I had to breathe and I had to focus so I had to sing. I remember hating the smell of second hand cigarette smoke which was just unforgivably everywhere. I looked around, 2 of my sober friends were chasing down a wild Australopithecine. I knew it was wrong so I looked again; it was just another drunken guy friend of ours. My sober friends chasing a drunk guy, I was that guy 5 minutes ago, I’ll be the rest later, as for now, I just have to breathe. Flash again and we’re in a cab speeding through the hi-way. I remember me remembering a guy outside the golden arches, just behind me. He was the one smoking those cigarettes. I remembered his face, so sad and troubled. I wanted to help but I had to help myself first. It was no business of mine but I couldn’t help but notice and just ask. Well I didn’t. Flash, I’m vomiting my guts out in the grasslands of a nearby soccer field. Flash and I’m on the steps of a nearby movie house. It’s all quiet now. Much more peaceful than before the cab and the air much sweeter than on that chair. The cement was cold and the draft wasn’t helping, well it wasn’t helping me but it was helping the cold cold floor. I grabbed my arms and hugged me tight. I thought we’d be home before midnight so I didn’t bring any jacket, and what a stupid decision prompted by an even stupider assumption that was. I looked straight up, it was all dark. I tried twisting my head to the right, my neck hurt. A dim light caught my eye from the left. My neck didn’t hurt in that side of the stair. The light was growing brighter behind the outline of bushes and a long vertical intrusion. It was a cab, the intrusion was the higher step and it was horizontal. The light made everything slower and better and then it was gone. I fell asleep. I woke up, it was still dark. My arms were filled with insect bites but the cold made it more bearable. Four more hours before we could go home, we were not allowed near our humble abode before 6 in the morning so we had to wait. I waited, I stared and then there was something in between and then I woke up. I was on a bed this time, still cold and still filled with bites but on a softer surface this time. It wasn’t all a dream, I was and I am sure. I was still in my outdoor attire and in my outdoor smell. I felt better and the flashes finally stopped happening.

i woke up with singing

The best decision i made yesterday was shutting up as my recit partner did all the work. The next was actually going. It was the best last Friday of the worst 3 weeks of my life(so far). I’m so glad i put that bottle of bleaching liquid down. Ok that was a joke, but i did it with ice cream, eat it i mean, lots and lots of ice cream. Mmm tasty ice cream.
So my high school friends visited me/us at the university and it was just the awesomest time. It wasn’t great at first, the fact that we got stranded, hungry and dizzy and it rained like crazy which was totally unexpected and so we got like soaking wet in rainwater. I could still feel the sensation of mud entering my shoes and clear water leaving the sole. Eeew. So we were like suppose to eat in a place called gateway which is halfway from where we all live, one headed south and the rest north. But the rain was just a b!+c#. Somehow things like these always happen when friends come over. So we went to a nearby hub instead where we just ate the yummiest food (yummy because... uhm i don’t know... it was all FREE!). This friend of mine was just crazy rich. I felt like a total fool worrying and counting the bills in my wallet and looking down to check if i had rubber shoes on just in case (bwahahaha). We stayed on that spot for like 3 hours partly because we had to wait for a friend to arrive. When she did we chatted and just had to get some caffeine in our system so we got some, and again, for FREE! I love Rodney. It was fun... fun fun fun... it was the most fun i had since i saw my friend go to the showers with his towel slowly showing everyone more. Bwahahaha. Well my friend just had to leave and so we hailed him a cab where rode too because we needed a lift to someplace else... ingrates. When we reached this footbridge where the rest of us had to get down to get another ride to where we lived we were greeted by this crazy looking maniac totally checking my female friends out with this grin on his face that just said ‘ i’m rabid’ all over. So the moral of the story is, taste your coffee first before adding too much sugar.
This morning i woke up missing some other friends and spending 5 am’s of Saturdays jogging. Then this guy was singing. I hate singing people in the morning. Well ok that’s enough about me... how about you?

stress @ 53

I have this friend who’s really random and honestly sometimes it gets annoying, but still funny. Just now he threatened me that he’d violate my Unicorn. No one violates my unicorn. And talking about funny people, how would you rate how stressed you are? Like what’s your current stress level? Stress is really bad. I read this article once from, oh no it was just a text but it says that stress fails the heart and lungs. That’s not good. No not at all. I mean people should really start relaxing and that’s when you have to have random people around you. They make things lighter, make you forget all that work you’re loaded with so you’re all like free and stuff then reality kicks in then you miss your deadlines and you’re like doomed to fail for life. But at least you enjoyed that brief random moment right? Ok cynical. But really i think the world lives in a vicious system of stress and worry. I don’t know if it’s because of all the coffee the world consumes or just the loud streets outside our bedrooms that we subconsciously absorb in our dreams giving us low quality rest at night. But i love the urban life. Wait what were we talking about?
I’ve been running around campus the whole day. I’d say it’s probably one of the most stressful days of my youthful days. Days days days, OMG i said it 3 times, literature police arrest me now! Well i just had a long exam for math that i’d really do anything to pass let alone understand. Did i use that statement right? Well my professor for math 5, that is, intro to calculus, is like this ‘terror’ teacher everyone avoids during registration. Apparently i didn’t know that so i’m under him for like a sem with 5 units of my sophomore life in his hands. His exam was crazy. See, it’s like he’s this misunderstood genius or something. Well either that or he’s just a really bad bad person and in that case i don’t see why people see him in that light, yellow sodium light. But he’s great. He gets in the room (classroom) then immediately starts without any introductions, which really shocked me the first day. Then he writes and explains ( i guess) and then writes again all these definitions, theorems, examples, proofs but the amazing thing is... wanna guess? Give up? He has nothing he copies from. It’s all in his head. Like those 3 boards, erased 3 times and filled up 4 times... all in his noggin! Well it’s more amazing if you see it in person, that is, if you don’t doze of like i do. It’s not that he’s boring, he’s voice is a lullaby. No, i’m just tired, which brings us back to the previous, stress and worry. Ok stop. I feel like studying now. I’ll study now.

HoDo and the unicorn

And yet it continues. Ok so before i continue maybe some of you are having a really great day and unfortunately i’m feeling extra terrible today that i’m going to rant about it. It’s not amusing, i know so just turn away, put the screen down, call the mr. Grumpy police, i don’t know but be forewarned that yah this could get pretty negative and not happy. So my week was terrible. I keep having these headaches from not sleeping well, in fact here i am again at 1 am in the morning typing this down on how events like these, ok you know what my head’s hurting again and my eyes are tired so let’s make this quick. I’m backstabbing someone today and it’s not good but i don’t care because... well i don’t really have to have a reason. I’m a bad friend i’m sorry. Well this guy, let’s name him Hognose Doughnuthole, HoDo for short, is really getting into my nerve which FYI, has been aching again thank you very much. This guy, he’s a dear and all for letting me stay over their place, you know work there and sleep yada yada yada. But i just really don’t like him, well maybe i did but not anymore. Call me an ingrate, i’m thankful for people like him, but there’s this intersection between the previous people like him and then him. Oh my God. It’s just annoying and then there’s last week and then next week that looks to me is going to be no different from last week... well not very much no different. In all fairness he treats me like a friend or else i wouldn’t call it backstabbing (shkink, blaaagh* blood flow). Well first of all he’s a bad influence, a hypocrite and a bi+ch, just like me that’s why i hate him so much. Well he keeps pushing my friend to habits he (the other friend) doesn’t really like to involve himself into but HoBo here want to be involved in things he’s not suppose to be which is totally out of the blue. Ok so the thing is i don’t want him around, he’s loud, annoying and obnoxious (call me redundant i don’t care), has poor hygiene and a real inconsiderate pain in the a$s. You know the kind of people who thrive on low comedy and don’t cut their nails ever so often? And don’t get me started on the weight issues, this guy eats like a pig. Then he says he won’t smoke then finishes a pack of cigars later that day. I mean what’s all that about? Oh wow, i can see that happening, good luck with the trees, you know cigars are made of paper? Yes they are. Well just a while before me writing this, they were watching friends-the greatest show since like, i don’t know the 10 commandments?- and the thing is it was getting really late. I don’t mind watching it with him in my laptop (shivers on the thought we’re looking at the same screen and when there are black transitions i could see his reflection...eeew) and i didn’t even mind him abruptly pausing the show on mid-punch line lines when he had to go pee pee, but when i said we had to sleep and he said “wait, another one”. Oh man i just lost it. But i didn’t tell them to stop. No why would i do that? It’s not like i own the thing... oh wait i do. But that would make me mean and yet i’m writing rants about it, how’s that, the irony huh. Well anyway i hate him and i hope when/if he loses the weight he sags more than Droopy dog after being pulled in a taffy puller.
Oh i bought this unicorn stuffed toy, it’s ADORABLE! i’ll name it... oh on second thought message me what i should name it/him/her. Well i haven’t made up my mind about that too. And just for the record i’m giving it to someone... soon... after i get my stress relief sessions with it first. Ain’t it just cute.

f.m.l. model

June 26 2009... a total FML DAY!!! Today i skipped two classes. That’s t-w-o... two. And for me that’s huge. And if you’re not me but are asian, that’s huge. See i have this project due today, June 26 (the F off day of 2009)and the idea for the thing just struck me like 3pm of the previous day, June 25 (penulti-F off day of 2009). See when i have works to do i want to have a little sophistication in it and a lot of ‘Glamour’ (but less gay) and complexities and quality. Well sometimes i make compromises in any of the 4 but in this case i had to just satisfy my compulsion to excel (HAH! Not anymore i’m not) because my professor would probably get suspicious that i only made it a day before given that it’s a 1 week work (well everyone does it). Ok so moving on... i thought of this model to be like a pyramid of clear plastic bottles that i can connect or something so water could pass through the thing (*haaa) to humble the Chinese of their cubic marvel (just kidding, i love the Chinese). So i was trying it out and it looked like a pile of schist. So i reconsidered and decided that a water maze would do good too (*scattered applause) but probably not as amazing as the pyramid but similarly significant enough to represent my ‘experience’ (that was the goal of the whole thing). So, me skipping my first class was due to the not waking up from the not sleeping the night before from the not not doing of the stupid model crud-exploits(whatever that means, it sounds good... exploits). And that class was Anthropology 10... i like anthro 10, i really do. () then i had physics after, a recit class that is. Good thing it was a paired work but my pair and i knew physics like a bowl of soup knows the string theory so i’m expecting we failed (FML moment). Then 1:30 was that wretched class where i was suppose to pass the crud-exploits of mine... it wasn’t that cruddy before 1:30... but as soon as i poured the water in the magnificent water maze along with some squishy pellets and 2 poor grey fishes, BAM! All hell breaks loose as the fluid matter reaches the second chamber... take note... second... and there are like 8. So well i’m all grumpy from the whole experience so now i have to skip that 2 hour class, make a new model (something that actually works this time) and pass it next meeting with the whole stigma of an irresponsible escapist (escapist resulting from the previous adjective). The world is not linear and it isn’t flat either. FML. FML FML FML! Oh yeah and it’s my sister’s birthday tomorrow. Happy birthday sister.
So that’s just another file from my life cabinet filers flier fly, if anyone cares to read, ok... ok?... ok .

(listening to John Mayer-My Stupid Mouth)

I'm 18

I don’t blog much. It’s something i do when i get bored and i’m not supposed to but the terms are non-negotiable. It’s ironic though that i have a few sites for blogging when i’m not a commited typer and uploader person, the secret though is simply in the knowledge of the functions of ctrl+c then v and you’re good. Writing in the internet is sort of an outlet perhaps that beats writing and is more productive than simply talking from the mere presence of a readable hardcopy as proof of the whole thing. Oh wait… what was i suppose to talk about. Ah ok… here we go.

Well i turned 18 the other day (confetti)… actually two days ago (yey!!! Kids giggling just like that yellow ball of cuteness in Loco Roco). Not a lot of people know my ‘special’ day and i have no intentions of letting them… unless that is, faced with a ‘tell-me-your-birthday-or-die’ situation or they read my facebook which i plan to change the name of, in which case it’s either i’ll think about it or you/they/whoever already know. It’s a fun thing too. I mean it’s like playing cops and robbers not knowing which person would greet you and you replying a brief shush and a thank you wink. Like i said i don’t really plan on telling inquisitive or even uninterested people but they have ways of learning (darn you media and mass communication students/friends). It’s like i have this red crosshair or something when i cross paths with ‘certain’ people you know nose no oh yeah… ok thatwasrandom. I’m really finding the use of ‘’’ ‘’’ very useful. In case you’re wondering, that was a ‘ and a ‘ enclosed in ‘’ and ‘’(hit head on wall). So yeah i’m legal!!! Legal for alcohol, cigarettes and… movies. But the thing is, not because a person is 18 means being a criminal is legal. Wait i confused myself there. Oh yeah, it was a hyperbole… being 18 means growing older right? Getting smarter, maturing and uhm getting smarter (darn my shallow vocabulary). It means getting to think despite the opportunity to not think anymore… you get me? I know you do. So let me go now… (hit head again)

Well this looks pretty long now and i’m hungry so i guess i’ll leave it at that. Just happy birthday to everyone celebrating their birthdays and for those who aren’t… LOSERS!!! Of weight… until next year when you guys are gonna have to party and eat a lot and be gainers again… (again for the 3rd time… blood on wall). Ok readers belonging to a null set… read you next time and i promise (or not)… next time will be something more… normal…