jetlag

Jetlag
Being gone for too long just feels like waking up from a coma or something like to that. It’s just nice to get the chance to take a break from all the work. Well the past few weeks-oh before that, this would probably just be a boring post about myself and things that happened so i can read it to myself from somewhere else other than my laptop so you could skip if you like... or read on which is pretty good too- i have been in a 6 feet x 6 pile of work that just kept me disappointed and sad. It felt like it was going to last forever. I had all sorts of stuff i had to do: plates, exams, papers... college is just crazy. A healthy side effect of this is me not being able to sleep at night anymore. Everyday/night (i can’t make out any difference anymore, except for the absence of the sun) i have to do my work for like hours and then check the time just to find out that it’s breakfast already (which is like dinner to me now) and then i’d just feel ecstatic and energized and then i pass out, wake up not being able to remember what happened before i slept , eat lunch which is like breakfast to me now and then go to class (or what’s left of the classes i still have for the day) and then eat dinner which is like lunch then the cycle continues. It was (it still a little is) just awful, but i got the hang of it. Now i can’t get rid of it. I suddenly find myself listening to Buble at 5 in the morning while using facebook when the net is the fastest. It’s like jetlag without the jet.
Well i lost my bonnet the other day. Some call it a toque, hood... i like bonnet. It’s this oversized black thing i ‘inherited’ from my artist brother. I really miss it. I hope someone finds it and returns it. I actually already lost it once but a friend of mine found it shoved up a gutter pipe as a makeshift strainer or something that cleans the rainwater. Can someone say resourceful? Now i can’t find any bonnet that looks similar. It’s like this unique vintage (was that redundant?) thing you only find in underground stores or collector’s shops or whatever. But if ever another cooler hat comes along, the bonnet can never be replaced (*awww). It’s just so awesome when i had it... like it could talk.
I’ve been having palpitations. They’re like these crazy thumps in my chest (and even in my neck and wrist) that won’t stop no matter how tight you hold the paper bag against your mouth. God those were terrible. I laid off the coffee already but the palpitations won’t disappear even 3 days after i got my last cup of caffeine. I guess it’s a permanent thing now. My brother has this heart condition and my mom has the palps too so i guess i have it too. But i don’t want to see a doctor yet, they might think i’m looking for an excuse for life or something.

P.S. The previous post was actually over due... it happened 2 months ago and this one is a week late either. i never finish anything on time... sheesh...

i drank a little too much

I drank a little too much last night. I remember a couple of weeks ago I promised myself not to be involved in the businesses of alcohol and his other strong relatives. I am neither troubled nor am dying when I entered the second of 2 consecutive drinking nights. I haven’t even fully recovered from the first. It was all blurry, probably from the shots or maybe from the smoke, I can’t remember. I couldn’t think, I didn’t want to, it was too much work. I couldn’t hear myself, or my companions, I only heard everyone but no one person in particular. Then the thought flashed again; me swearing never to come back to that wretched puke pit. And then at that moment, I made what I broke, knowing that probably, some day in the near future, this would be the exact thing that’d be déjà vu-ing when I find myself staring at the floor looking at the 50 buck supper I had earlier that evening. Then there were a lot of other things in my mind too like keeping my shoes and jeans bile free, or how much I now owe the people I was with, or who that person was from the other table I just high-fived with. Memories, random and short, all of them. And then next thing, I’m outside, seated on a chair beside a large yellow redeeming letter M singing badly and breathing rapidly. I had to let the blood flow and clean my system as fast as possible so I had to breathe and I had to focus so I had to sing. I remember hating the smell of second hand cigarette smoke which was just unforgivably everywhere. I looked around, 2 of my sober friends were chasing down a wild Australopithecine. I knew it was wrong so I looked again; it was just another drunken guy friend of ours. My sober friends chasing a drunk guy, I was that guy 5 minutes ago, I’ll be the rest later, as for now, I just have to breathe. Flash again and we’re in a cab speeding through the hi-way. I remember me remembering a guy outside the golden arches, just behind me. He was the one smoking those cigarettes. I remembered his face, so sad and troubled. I wanted to help but I had to help myself first. It was no business of mine but I couldn’t help but notice and just ask. Well I didn’t. Flash, I’m vomiting my guts out in the grasslands of a nearby soccer field. Flash and I’m on the steps of a nearby movie house. It’s all quiet now. Much more peaceful than before the cab and the air much sweeter than on that chair. The cement was cold and the draft wasn’t helping, well it wasn’t helping me but it was helping the cold cold floor. I grabbed my arms and hugged me tight. I thought we’d be home before midnight so I didn’t bring any jacket, and what a stupid decision prompted by an even stupider assumption that was. I looked straight up, it was all dark. I tried twisting my head to the right, my neck hurt. A dim light caught my eye from the left. My neck didn’t hurt in that side of the stair. The light was growing brighter behind the outline of bushes and a long vertical intrusion. It was a cab, the intrusion was the higher step and it was horizontal. The light made everything slower and better and then it was gone. I fell asleep. I woke up, it was still dark. My arms were filled with insect bites but the cold made it more bearable. Four more hours before we could go home, we were not allowed near our humble abode before 6 in the morning so we had to wait. I waited, I stared and then there was something in between and then I woke up. I was on a bed this time, still cold and still filled with bites but on a softer surface this time. It wasn’t all a dream, I was and I am sure. I was still in my outdoor attire and in my outdoor smell. I felt better and the flashes finally stopped happening.